what lies beyond the dream?

there is something i realised.
or rather, i re-discovered...

in the past, i've never had much confidence.
compared to now, im perhaps so much better now.
but i guess i've always been selfish.
and loving isnt about being selfish...

i've always been worried that you'd leave me.
perhaps you will.
perhaps it is i who will make that happen. i am such a bore sometimes.
and i so absolutely hate liars. even for every small thing. whether its important to me or not.
if it isnt, why lie in the first place?
and i so cant trust people anymore. so cynical and harsh with everyone.

and these things are so true.

maybe... just maybe...
who knows what the future hold for us?
i mean, you're reluctant to move to singapore.
and i cant possibly escape the national service, right?

perhaps in the past i've focused too much on being together forever. on plans. on the future.
and you... really treasure the present. no plans. do everything we can do enjoy now...
because you dont know if we can be together forever. maybe i should be more pessimistic.
who knows when you'll get bored of me. =)

and even then, i've promised myself.
i wont blame you.
the failing relationship is always because of 2 people.
and if im in as much fault as you are... i dont deserve to blame you.
i might not deserve my fate, but hey, im optimistic. i'll live.
and... to a loved one, i wish you all the best.
you must be happy. always. whether you're with me. or without.
its your judgement. if you think you'll be happier without me.
and i will... i will respect your decisions to the end.

this is my realisation, my epiphany.
i used to believe in it, even though i didnt have a gf.
and now's actually the best time to believe in it. =)