what lies beyond the dream?

What do you do when you need to procrastinate further?
you write a blog post, of course.

as the readership of this blog grows increasingly large,
i feel like the purpose of this blog has somehow... diminished.
most secret thoughts! not.

of course, just because everyone knows about it
doesnt mean everyone will read it. right?
then again, i cant possibly ask every regular on tihs blog to tag it, can i?
people who arent supposed to know about it wont.
people who know about it, but try to hide it wont.
people who... you get the picture.

maybe when i hit 100, or when a year since the start of the blog has elasped
which, i think, is May.
i'll go public... whichever one comes later.
and i can attract the animosity of those who've ive ranted about
because, guess what? i've gone past caring.
public means im going to tear down my facade of being nice to you
because you've never bothered to try to fix our relationship.
there might have been misunderstandings, yeah.
happens in every friendship. i guess what makes friends still friends is the courage to confront these misunderstandings.
of course, i dream too much. i should start living in reality.

have i never agreed more with nicole, who debated on this side once for her class debates in RG
Truth is what everyone perceives it to be.
i'd still like to think otherwise, though.

i guess to cite an example, i was talking to Andrew today. he's cool. Well, sorta.
see, my defense mechanism has already been set up to doubt others false pretense.
the voice at the back of my head screams "HE'S NOT REALLY COOL WITH YOU"
but i found out, as with Kanna, doubting others _will_ hurt others.
i need to completely ignore that warning light.
and learn to trust people again.

I need to watch some Kaleido Star. =/
Again.

a further attempt at procrastination